Yard of the Month

This muse was from six years ago, when we lived in a home that had a quarter of an acre back yard.

This morning I mowed our yard ... it is a HUGE yard and takes me over two hours to finish. I'm not big into yard work. I do the minimum and spend the rest of my time combing the hair on my chest and back.

This week, our neighbors down the street received the "Yard of the Month" prize. Their reward: A sign posted on the front lawn that says, "Yard of the Month" I don't know if they receive prize money for this or not. The main reason they do the YOTM stuff is to encourage people to keep their yards nice.

What kind of people pursue these accolades? Perhaps it is the lady of the house that pushes the man to work so hard. Mrs. Gibson down the street must have shoved poor Hal into a corner and threatened him.

"You listen and you listen well chump! I want that prize! You better pull through this month or else!"

Hal would melt to the floor sucking his thumb.

Every morning when I go out for my jog, I see Hal out there slaving away. A couple of weeks ago, he was up at 5:30 in the morning planting red tulips! I waved to the poor fella. He took one look at me and vomited all over the flowers (I had my shirt off). Tough luck. I was about 50 paces from Hal's house when I heard Mrs. Gibson.

"What in the Sam-hell are you doin' boy?! Get the hose and start cleaning this up! I want these tulips planted YESTERDAY!"

The car door slams and Mrs. Gibson peels out of the driveway and passes me going 45mph in a 35 zone. Poor Hal.

Then last week while I was mowing, I saw ol Hal out there mowing and trimming his yard too. It was a hot and humid day. I stopped several times to drink water. One time I saw that Hal had stop to rest too. The poor chap ... Mrs. Gibson came storming out the front door hollering at Hal. This time she had a whip. She snapped that thing over Hal's head and he jumped five feet in the air. In a split second, he had thrown down his lemonade, put his hat on and started the lawn mower. Mrs. Gibson was screaming at the top of her lungs, while Hal was criss-crossing across his velvet yard looking behind him every other second. It was a sad sight.

I hope for Hal's sake he wins the Yard of the Month next time.